Demon Hunter Hilarity
by ADragonOnFanFiction
Summary: "What are you, some sort of teenage cult that travels across the country killing monsters?" Yes, yes they are. Straight from the world of Supernatural, two barely legal adults travel the U.S searching for creepy crawlies to stick their swords into. Only one problem. One of the girls is a Demon from hell. The others just a homeless kid. What amazing antics will they get into?
1. Chapter 1 Pt 1: Apple of Eden's Eye

**Chapter 1 Part 1: To Be A Hunter**

"Do you want fries with that?"

"Don't fries come with the number two here?"

"Oh, I wasn't aware. I'll get your fries."

 _Wow, she actually fell for that,_ the girl in the black leather thought. She scratched at her beanie covered forehead and grabbed her large pink lemonade. As she slurped, her eyes scanned her surroundings.

All looked blissfully normal, but she knew that something not human was lurking within the walls, just waiting for its chance to strike.

She had been tracking a Vampire for days now. She had killed off his entire nest one by one and he was the only one left. No doubt waiting to take his chance to put her in a coffin. Not the kind in the movies either.

He had tried to lose her by moving erratically, but the trail of bodies was a giant red flag. She found one just outside this fast food joint. All the other bodies had been found and reported to the police, but this latest one was fresh and undiscovered. He was only nineteen and had his whole life ahead of him…all to crescendo to a grisly, bloody end by Vampire.

Movement. A young man wearing a simple black t-shirt and ripped jeans got up from his table. The woman he was sitting with looked over at him with fierce attraction in her aqua eyes.

He had seduced her. Classic; lure in young girls with the promise of never ending life with her sexy vampire boyfriend. Until they sneak out the back and he drains her dry and she's just another corpse.

She grabbed his forearm and he gracefully lifted her up until they could see eye to eye. He leaned in and whispered something in her ear.

She chuckled in delight and pulled him close. He moved his hands down from her shoulders onto her hands and grabbed them. Soon enough they were slowly approaching the exit, all normal like. He held the door open for her; a slight breeze ruffled her jacket.

The girl in the black leather stood up slowly, still clutching her lemonade. Her hand moved down her thigh until it reached her innocent looking side backpack. She dug around for a minute until she felt the item she wanted. Its cold embrace sent shivers down her spine.

Hand still in backpack, she moved toward the door. The food she had been waiting for still had not come yet. _Thank god for slow service. I haven't eaten since yesterday morning._

She pushed open the door and stepped out into the brisk night air. She looked to the left and saw the vampire and his prey moving off to, what she assumed, was the girl's car. She dug around awkwardly for her keys. When she finally had them she clumsily unlocked the car and the vampire gestured to it.

She blushed and slid into the passenger's seat. The bloodsucker shut her door and climbed in the opposite end.

And that was when the girl in black leather wanted to cover her eyes. They embraced. She quietly and swiftly pulled out her weapon of choice; a machete. All good Hunters knew the machete was the best weapon to use when dealing with vampires.

Moving to the driver's side of the car, she clutched her weapon and waited.

Sure enough, the women pushed at him and told him off, but she was no match for his monstrous strength. The girl only leapt into action once the screaming started.

Her hand was at the car door handle in half a second. She yanked it open and pulled at the vampire's burly shoulder. He reared back and hissed violently at her. She leaned back just as his head came up to bite her.

She hastily pulled him away from his would be victim and pushed him against the seat. Before he could retaliate and bite her restricting arm she let the machete fly.

The women the vampire had accosted shrieked. Her wail was so full of pure innocence that it hurt the girl's heart. The poor soul just witnessed the killing of a supernatural being. She would probably not retain her innocence.

"T-thank you! He seemed s-so nice…what was he?" She asked, still quivering in fear.

"You mean he didn't tell you? Didn't promise forever lasting life with him and his sexy personality? Bit out of the status quo…"

"No! He j-just said he was someone like no other. Someone I'd never forget."

"Oh! Well…he only said that because he was a Vampire." The girl in leather replied.

"Um…that would explain the fangs…" She added reluctantly. The girl in black leather smiled.

"We have a funny one! Normally when people find out that that Vampires are real they go crying to momma. But nevertheless, you're welcome! I'll be off now; more spooky things to kill." But before she could get up and exit the car, the women stopped her.

"Wait! I don't even know your name!"

The girl in the black leather and beanie smiled.

"Locklin. Eden Locklin."

"Oh! Thank you Locklin!"

"No, my _first name_ is Eden but I put my last name first to reference-oh never mind. Chow!"

And with that, Eden stumbled out of the car and picked up her backpack from the asphalt. She slung it over her should and walked back into the bustling fast food joint.

She looked over to her table and the short lady that served her was bringing her food.

 _Wow. That's not just slow service, that's highway robbery._

"Your one burger, chocolate shake, and fries miss."

She set the food down and the girl thanked her for it.

"Oh, uh, miss? You have something on your face…" The girl franticly grabbed a napkin and wiped it away.

"Huh. Must have been ketchup or something."

 **(Author's note thingie)**

 **Oh my chuck I finished it!** **Chapter 1 part 2 is coming very soon and it will be from the perspective of our other main character! Can't wait to introduce ya to her!**

 **If you're reading this and I already published a load of chapters well…good for you! Post a review so I can improve! What did you like?**

 **But just remember dear readers…**

 **Stay Supernaturally Cool! *was that a good closing one liner?***


	2. Chapter 1 Pt 2: Not The Little Old Lady!

**Chapter 1 Part 2: Not The Little Old Lady!**

 _ ***Only a couple of hours after the events of first part of chapter…***_

 _Stealing cars is definitely illegal. I don't really want to be in trouble with the law but…aw who cares! Yoink!_

The girl in the black leather and white beanie was Eden, and she really didn't care if a few laws had to be bent in order to save the world from creepo's that lurk under your bed.

She was a hunter, and she had places to be, people to save, and things to hunt. She had heard of a middle aged woman, around forty, that had been the "sweetest person in her neighborhood" according to her neighbors. Her name: Katherine Nathaniel.

But then one Friday she came home to her nice two story house, two sons, and husband. The next morning the cops were swarming the comfy suburban home to clean up a murder. She had killed her husband and son with a meat cleaver.

One son survived however, and had been the one to report the crime. He was only thirteen years old. He had said quote, "That was not my mom who killed my dad and brother. That was a monster."

So, Eden was on the case. Sounded like something a Shapeshifter would do…but then again maybe it was something else…

 _ ***(Hours of boring pop song filled driving and bad singing later)***_

Eden's stolen car pulled into the Nathaniel's driveway. She stepped out into the crisp November air in a sharp and pristine suit she had borrowed from another hunter. She fumbled with her FBI badge as she approached the wooden door.

She rang the doorbell, and while she waited there Eden wondered internally if she had done her twenty-one and over makeup right. At precisely the wrong moment the son of Katherine, Jake, opened the door.

"Hello, I'm Agent Spears with the FBI, and I was wondering if I could speak with you for just a few moments." Eden lifted up her badge for the kid to see. He studied it for a moment, and when he was satisfied that it wasn't a fake, he let her in.

"The police already came over and questioned me. I don't have any more to say to righteous adults who think they can help me." He looked at Eden with a hard stare that would wither a lesser human.

"I'm really sorry, but it's regulation. I promise I'll be out of your hair as soon as I ask you just a couple of questions." Eden tried her best to put on a brave face, but the kid just sat down on his couch and covered his face in his hands.

"I'll tell it like I told the police," he murmured, head still in hands, "I was sitting in my room I shared with Dawson. We were playing on the computer and Mom had just gotten home from work. Dawson went to greet her while I finished up upstairs. Then I went downstairs and we had dinner. Just a friggin' normal night. Then Mom starts babbling on about a new leader and how she really had to impress him. We just thought she was talking about a new boss or something, so we ignored her. After dinner she sent us to bed earlier than normal. Like at seven thirty…on a Friday night! But we did anyway. Then at eight thirty we heard…we heard dad…scream. Dawson ran downstairs to see what happened. I started to call 911. Then I…I heard…Dawson scream. He screamed and screamed and screamed until…until he didn't anymore. By then I was patched through to 911 and I said that I heard my dad and brother scream…."

As Jake continued his words became so riddled with sobs of pain and despair that Eden could barely understand him. He simply could not continue anymore without ripping his heart out.

"It's okay Jake. You don't have to go on. I just need to know one thing-"

But before Eden could finish Jake interrupted her.

"She was a _monster!_ She had Black eyes to prove it!" That comment stopped Eden in her tracks.

 _Black eyes._

 _ **Demon.**_

"Thank you Jake. You've been very helpful. I will avenge your family." Eden put her hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Agent Spears…you're pretty cool for an FBI agent." He sniffled. Eden smiled awkwardly.

"Well, I don't really think I did anything particularly cool but…thanks. Insert inspirational phrase here." Jake actually laughed-a pure, unhindered laugh.

"See you around kid! And just keep in mind-you aren't the only one missing a dad."

With that comment Eden left the building. Literally.

Once inside her car, Eden debated on what to do next. She knew it was a Demon but she didn't know where it was hiding out or where it would strike next. That was the trouble with Demons.

Might as well check any abandoned warehouses near-

"Hey, Agent Spears! I forgot to tell you so something! My "mom" rabbled about something or other on a farm? A meeting with her associates?"

"Thanks kid! That's actually _really_ helpful! You were holding out on me!" Before Jake could retort, Eden got in her stolen car and backed out of the driveway.

A farmhouse? Again, these monsters can't seem to break the clichés.

A quick google search revealed that the nearest farmhouse was only one hour away. _Great. Another hour of driving._

 _ ***(Another hour of driving later)***_

Eden parked her car along the curb and pulled up here backpack. She dug through it until she pulled out a flask full of Holy Water. She patted her pocket; she felt the hard surface of her phone. Prerecorded exorcisms were a life saver. Who wanted to remember all those Latin words anyway?

With everything gathered up, Eden set off to the farmhouse of doom. At least, that's what it should be called.

To be honest, the farmhouse looked just that; a farmhouse-a very comfortable looking wooden house with a barn sitting next to it. And to top it all off, cows, pigs, and even a horse ran about free.

It was perfect for demons. Nice and secluded where no one would be able to hear you scream. Tons of animals to sacrifice and it just was generally a huge property. It could house any number of demons for an extended amount of time.

But it was also the perfect death trap.

Eden crept up to a window in the house and poked her head up just to get a glimpse of the inside. And what she saw as terrifying.

It was a demon. He was hunched over a marble counter talking to a bowl of blood. He was communicating with another demon it sounded like. Eden could only catch snippets of the conversation.

"I am at the base now…no she hasn't arrived yet…I don't…the others are getting antsy. They need to see action…no…we haven't located her….vessel's name is Arin."

After he had said his piece, he listened. He bobbed his head and scrunched his face.

"She could be very useful…once she is located…one of Crowley's…"

Eden gasped. _Crowley._ He was rapidly gaining support in hell and was poised to take some sense of control over it. Or so Bobby Singer said.

The demon lifted its head. He had heard her. _Dammit._

"Kruger! Azealia! I think I heard something outside! It could be dangerous, so I am going to check it out. Update Nathaniel on our progress.

 _Nathaniel?_ _ **Katherine**_ _Nathaniel!_ _She was possessed by the…leader of this demon gang. Deal with that later; now I kill this chump._

The demon who communed with Katherine opened the door leading to the outside. He took a few steps, and then looked around.

Step. Look. Two steps. Look.

In a flash Eden was up and at the demons throat, knife quivering under his stubble covered chin. He blinked and his eyes flashed a tar black.

"What do you think you're going to do with that puny weapon, little girl? Pick my teeth? Give me a manicure?" He snarled.

"No, none of that. I think It'll make a nice neck piercing."

And with a slick flick of the wrist the knife was plunged into the demon's neck. He cried out in pain. The knife was coated in holy water, doubling the dagger's effectiveness.

He dropped to floor writhing and squirming in violent pain; Eden pulled out her phone and selected something.

A Latin exorcism began to play in Eden's voice, causing the demons pain to only increase. He could not do anything as he was expelled from his poor vessel. The vessel had been repeatedly stabbed while possessed, so he was likely already dead.

Once the black, smoky stain had flown back to hell, Eden pressed on. The other two demons had heard the commotion and came running furiously.

"How dare you! Come hunter filth; we have use for you!"

Eden ran by the dead vessel and pulled out her knife, still dripping with blood.

"You want some?! Come and dance boys!" The demons snarled and growled in disgust. Clearly they hated to be yelled at.

Eden ducked behind another wall and waited for them to jump into view. The demon called Kruger reached Eden first.

"Okay Freddy Kruger. You ready to be put to bed?" The demon scratched at her arms and yelled manically. Eden dodged his assaults and stabbed him in the exposed arm. He hissed in pain.

Only a couple more swipes from the blade convinced the demon to smoke out. The remaining demon stared at her with a mixture of disgust and disbelief.

"You are more skilled than even some adult hunters I've come across. Three demons all dealt with and taken care of."

"What are you talking about? I haven't taken care of _you_ yet."

"You won't have to. It goes against everything I believe in, but I will lay down my weapon for a chance to live another day."

"Whatever floats your boat I guess? I'm just interested in Katherine Nathaniel."

"Ha! You will have _fun_ dealing with her. She is a very important cross-roads demon. I do not envy you."

Apparently the demon didn't want to chat anymore; he flew out of his dead vessel before Eden could stab him. _Well played demon. Well played._

Eden started running towards the farmhouse entrance, eager to see what was inside. Once she reached it, she flew open the door and stalked inside.

The bowl of blood was calm now; not violently bubbling like before. Katherine was coming.

After searching the premises for any other demonic entities, Eden found no living soul. But when she ran back into the room she entered from, she quite literally ran into someone.

"Oh! I didn't…I was just…coming home!" The stranger in the fluffy jacket exclaimed.

"You're the home owner? Well, I'm sorry to break this to you but…your house is infested with demons! You need to leave now before she-"

"Oh, the poor girl won't be going anywhere," A new voice butted in, "She is no home owner. She's one of us. Go on then, splash her with your water. She'll sizzle up like a hot dog on a spit! And the best part…she used to be another high command of Crowley's…key word… _used to be."_

 ***Author's Note Thingie #2***

 **OOoooOOOoooHH YEAH! How did ya like that?! I know it isn't from the new character's perspective, but I had a really good idea and I didn't feel like changing it….IDK.**

 **Sorry about that cliff hanger. But I have to get readers involved somehow…so….next chapter is called The Not So Cute Meet…I thought it was clever. Hope you liked it! Make sure to post a review so I know how I can improve my work! Anyway…**

 **Stay Supernaturally Cool! ;P**


	3. Chapter 2: The Not So Cute Meet

**Chapter 2: The Not So Cute Meet**

"Wait… _what?"_

"Oh, you heard me right."

"You're…oh of course you're a demon. Now you're going to tell me she breathes fire or something."

"No, but she does exhale treachery. She was once one of Crowley's best and brightest. But I guess…even the best can fall."

"Hey!" The girl in the fluffy jacket interjected. "I guess I just realized working for Crowley was a horrible job. It doesn't even pay well!"

"Can we _please_ stop talking about Politics? Can't we just get to the part where we fight?" Eden exclaimed.

"Demon politics too boring for your little human brain to handle? If you insist, we shall fight."

Katherine-or rather, the demon possessing Katherine, flicked out a serrated dagger. She lunged forward toward the girl standing beside Eden. Her blade slashed across the girl's arm and blood leaked out of the wound.

Her scream echoed across the room; a horrific howl that did not sound human. She retaliated viciously by scrabbling at Katherine's knees and arms. Eden backed away, but not out of fright. She knew that letting them fight would make her job much easier.

They fought with no remorse, each getting a few good hits off, both extremely dirty and bloody.

"Arin! You can still come back! Granted, we probably wouldn't like you very much, but you still could! Rebuild your own little slice of Hell!" As she said this, her eyes flashed a deep blood red.

Arin snarled in anger.

"I left for a reason! Humans might not accept me, but at least they leave me alone! You just keep coming back like a bad infection! Do this Arin, do that! I want to have an actual life!"

"So you would rather live among these filth, following their rules, fitting in with their social norms? You sound like a bratty child waiting to get her ice cream!"

Katherine grabbed Arin and twisted her around into a headlock.

"I always respected you. I looked up to you! Your torture techniques were top of the line! And the deals you made; you even got-"

" _ **Enough!"**_ Arin gathered her strength and flung Katherine off of her. "Do not go there! I just want to live my life! Maybe make some friends…stay off Hunter radar…"

"Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me darling! You, yes you there Hunter!" Katherine gestured to Eden, who was almost out the door. "You seem nice and ferocious. Why don't you join the fight? Show us what you're made of?"

"I don't want to intrude on your big cat fight. It's bad form. It might seem crazy to you, but I actually want to live over 20 years."

"Oh, yes, I understand. But I have a right mind to teach Arin here that all Hunters are bloodthirsty beasts that must be tortured painfully! I have an idea!"

The Crossroads Demon grinned wildly and cupped her hands. Red magic sparked between her fingers and so something was conjured from seemingly nothing. She spread her arms to reveal that she was holding a huge chain.

It was colored rust red and seemed to suck all the warmth from the surrounding air. Eden felt a memory tug at her, like she vaguely remembered reading about this item somewhere in a dusty book.  
"This, darling hunter and now subordinate friend, is a Chain of Hell. It is my very own special weapon of destruction."

"Well, glad to know you like that sort of thing…" Eden commented. "Um…this is awkward."

"But enough with the shenanigans! You two will have many adventures together I just know it! Have fun you two!"

And with that, Katherine held the Chain of Hell out in front of her and started to chant in Latin.

"Hunter! Stop her before she completes that spell!" Arin spat.

Both demon and human leaped in unison towards their common enemy. Eden raised her holy water dunked knife and Arin lunged forward with her fists at the ready. Eden got to Katherine first.

Her knife caught on the Crossroad Demon's arm, and it leaked dark red blood. Despite the obviously painful injury, she continued her droning chant.

Arin rammed into the other demons side and swept her legs out from under her. But the demon seemed so immersed in her spell that she didn't notice the fact that she was now on the ground.

"Stop! Stop this!" Arin yelled in frustration.

"Never! Et fugietis donec ambo religata ad inferos!"

The chant was finished. The chain of Hell floated up into the air and it seemed to grow even colder. Then suddenly the chain flew unbelievably fast towards the two girls.

It wrapped itself around Eden's arm with a vice like grip. It then stretched to reach Arin. It twirled its way around her arm until the two of them were firmly and snugly tied together.

"Oh darlings, you are going to have so much fun together. Chow, for now!" The Crossroads Demon twiddled her long fingers at them and evaporated into a red mist.

"Um… _ **What just happened?"**_

"We're stuck together. A demon and a hunter…stuck together. Sounds like the start of a Supernatural Sitcom, but okay."

 ***Author's Note Thingie Numero 3***

 **Wasn't that exciting!? Sorry for the short chapter, I just got an idea for another story and I'm trying to balance writing this one and developing the other one. The next one is also a Supernatural FanFic, but this time it contains an actual character from Supernatural as the main Character! You'll have to wait for that one…prolly just a few days till I release the first chapter. ;P**

 **Anywho…..please please please comment/review! I love it so much when I receive Feedback and it helps me to improve! I also want to include your guys' ideas if I can! I can't do that without some feedback! Ohkey dokey….**

 **Stay Supernaturally Cool!**


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